Unpossiblog: Debbie Downers Of The NBA

A few days ago I wrote a blog about the Wild and Crazy Guys of the NBA, using the old Steve Martin and Dan Aykroyd Saturday Night Live skit as inspiration. If you missed it you can check it out by clicking HERE. Today I will continue with the SNL theme by detailing the “Debbie Downers” of the league.

For those of you who aren’t big SNL fans, Debbie Downer (pictured above) is a character played by Rachel Dratch who constantly has something negative to say. Even when everyone around her is having a great time she finds a way to bring them down. In the NBA there are Wild and Crazy Guys who are fun to watch and have on your fantasy team, but there are also Debbie Downers, who suck the life out of the game and make watching them a chore. Now, that doesn’t necessarily mean that they don’t produce on the court, as many of them do. So I’m certainly not saying don’t draft these guys just because they aren’t as fun as the rest. You can win with them (well, most of them), you just won’t have as much fun as you would with a bunch of Wild and Crazy Guys on your team.

So here are the Debbie Downers of the NBA:

Jermaine O’Neal: Is there a bigger downer than having your big man shoot 43% from the field? Absolutely. Said big man can then become injury (and suspension) prone, playing an average of only 55 games over the last 3 seasons. JO has the ability to be a fantasy stud, but his percentages and injuries make him a big time party killer for your squad.

Danny Granger: Yes, that’s 2 Pacers in a row. And yes again, Granger is the guy that I recommended as my #1 sleeper pick this year. However, those who have seen Granger play know that he can be frustrating for owners with his passive nature. He likes to float on the perimeter and wait for the ball to get kicked out to him behind the arc, which means that he can go for long periods of time without accumulating any stats. Of course he usually ends putting up good numbers, but because he can be so frustrating to watch he has to be a downer.

Raja Bell/Manu Ginobili/Anderson Varejao etc: I, like many other NBA fans, absolutely hate flopping. So it’s a major downer to have to cheer for the worst of the worst when comes to the disgraceful art. Guys like Bell, Manu, and Varejao are unfortunately making a living off of their acting and deceiving skills. While sometimes I love the stats they put up their style of play makes me long for the days when NBA players could be more physical. Someone going Kevin McHale vs. Kurt Rambis on one of those guys would be poetic justice.

Tim Duncan: Hey, they don’t call him the Big Fun just because of his fundamentals. Duncan is so emotionless that the sight of him laughing made Danny Crawford kick him out of the game. Of course, it was a bad call, but I have to sympathize with Crawford a little. After all, it’s human nature to fear what is unfamiliar to us. Duncan will put up solid stats, but his infamous free throw percentage will drag you down like Kevin Federline did to Britney…or was it the other way around? Of course, what makes things worse is that you know on any other team Duncan would be capable of putting up stats that would make it worth taking on his free throw %, but on the Spurs he won’t get enough minutes. When all is said and done Timmay will be one of if not the best 4 to ever play the game, but on your fantasy squad he is about as exciting as watching paint peel.

Shaq O’Neal: At one point Shaq was the most dominant player in the league, capable of taking over games and making every other center in the league look like a JV player. Now the years of poor conditioning and weight problems have taken their toll. Shaq was always a free throw concern, but now he is also a guarantee to miss 20+ games every season and his numbers in every other category are slipping as well. At this point he really isn’t playable in most roto leagues. Perhaps the worst part about seeing the aging giant fade away is thinking about the potential that he never lived up to. Yes, even with 4 rings, one can’t help but think that if Shaq had the drive and work ethic of a player like Michael Jordan or Kobe Bryant he would be unquestionably the best center of all time. Having him on your team is a constant reminder of that fact, making Shaq the biggest Debbie Downer in the league.

Ok, everyone nice and depressed now? Hey, cheer up, the NBA season is just a few weeks away, and NBA.com will be showing a few pre-season games this weekend for those who need a little appetizer.

Next up for the Unpossiblog, I will break down the PG sleeper trio of Mike Conley Jr, Rajon Rondo, and Randy Foye. Look for that sometime Thursday evening.

-unposs